What does it all means for us?
First, we compare our ideas about ourselves to other people and validates those pre-existing ideas by observations. And the last few years, in the form of social media, we're actually comparing ourselves to the version of other people which they choose to put out into the world. People's digital selves are not their real selves. That's why we feel so much worse than we used to. We are comparing the ideas of their self of each other and a hundred of these ideas on social media.
Second, since the human mind seeks stability and coherence above all else, we observe to confirm we are right. Because if we are truly honest about the comparison data we received, we'd have to rewrite our mental models about ourselves and the world. Rewriting those fundamental self-concepts would be terrifying.
If comparing is making you miserable, then what is the motivation for comparing yourself really is. Assess your abilities and opinions? Enhance your sense of self?
What seems like self-assessment can subtly turn into self-enhancement when we realize we don’t quite stack up. Self-enhancement can turn out to be self-verification when we realize that we reflect the people we believe we are. Self-verification can become true self-assessment when we realize that we’ve trying to protect ourselves.
We can't stop comparison of other people. We just can notice it, refrain from doing it when it's not truly productive. And we can investigate our motives for self-comparison, make sure that are productive and healthy.
Enough self-awareness, patience, and kindness, we can eventually learn to use that comparison, build ourselves up and find the real self.
There are no products to list in this category.